my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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