Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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