McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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