All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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