Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
