i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
