I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
