i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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