Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
