tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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