i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
