He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
