my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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