sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
