I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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