Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
