P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
