hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
