Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
