I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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