the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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