dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
