I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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