wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Let's paint friendship bongs
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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