Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
The air was thick with penises
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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