Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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