Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
