I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
