his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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