in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
