Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
