the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
