sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
