There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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