smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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