i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
