Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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