and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
