I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
