my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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