I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
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