Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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