Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
