He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
