you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
