Please, let me fuck your mom
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
