I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
