I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
