Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
