pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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