i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
