I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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