I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
