Moan for me like Helen Keller
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
