May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
