I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
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