i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
