Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
