your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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