I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
