make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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