Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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