Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
