so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
