the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
