Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
