Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
