I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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